Vindicated.

There is no sweeter feeling in this world, in my humble opinion, than the moment of vindication.

The moment you find the answer you’ve been searching for, even when people said you were wasting your time.

The moment you conquer the obstacle in front of you, when everyone else said it was impossible.

The moment your leap of faith pays off, even though your inner critic convinced you it was a bad idea.

Yesterday, I prevailed in a battle I had been fighting for over a year. It’s been a long, slow battle with my health that has caused me to think I was crazy…even a hypochondriac at times. But the symptoms were there, hovering around my person and making my life a living hell. The past few months have intensified, and I became a mad woman, grasping at unknown threads of hope and pulling hard. And after countless hours in waiting rooms, endless vials of bloods, over a thousand dollars in tests…the results were in black and white on this piece of paper. I had six times the normal level of this toxic substance in my body. SIX. TIMES.

It has never felt so good to hear bad news. {And yes, now that I have a diagnosis, I shall be just fine in short order!}

In any situation, when you invest so much time and effort into a project…be that in a hobby or a job, a personal war or a private fight, that moment when the weight is lifted from your shoulders in righteous victory is unparalleled by any other feeling.

As if telekinetically linked, my husband beat his PR today, in a big way. It was an amazing moment for him, and for me {I’m lucky enough to watch his training sessions broadcasted live!}. I watched him conquer the number that had been staring him down for weeks, mocking him, pushing him, making him sweat and swear. In one swift and easy movement, he beat it. He won that battle. As I screamed at the computer screen and he grunted with ferocity, that bar went up, and the screaming and the grunting dissolved into cheers, whoops, and a victory dance.

It’s these moments of vindication, the taste of victory and power and pride, that we both live for. We fight for every battle, push for every win, and rejoice in our moments of success. And when we fail, we take a deep breath and push onward. Sometimes I worry about the physical distance between us. I wonder if 2,200 miles is enough to break even the healthiest of marriages. I don’t worry incessantly about it, but it’s a seed that has settled in my dusty brain and is taking up precious space. On long days when we’re in foul moods, or busy days when we don’t have time to talk, I can feel that seed burrow a little deeper. And on days like today, when without even exchanging words, we both feel vindication, that seed shrivels up and vanishes.

We are competitors, both of us. He proves it daily, in a very physical way, while I shroud myself in quiet strength. We never give up. We fight for love, for bragging rights, for happiness, for each other…for sweet vindication.

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One thought on “Vindicated.

  1. gail helm-sroka says:

    I loved your blog. You are truly a wonderful writer. I am very proud that you are my daughter and part of my family.

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