Monthly Archives: May 2012

Carolina in My Mind.

Well, I believe the proverbial cat is out of the bag…

I am not moving to California.

{I’ll just let that sink in for a moment.}

So, here’s the story. I was in California a few weeks ago to find an apartment. On Monday, Tom and I found the perfect apartment. It was across the street from our new favorite microbrewery, had granite countertops, a fireplace, and was even $100 under budget. And on Tuesday, I flew back to Chicago. Tuesday evening, the following text conversation transpired between my husband and I.

“We need to talk. There’s some big stuff going down.”

“Wow. That’s never good. With who?”

“With what, you mean. The team.”

“What about the team? Wait, let me guess…Murphy’s Law. We just found our apartment, so that means the team is moving right? LOL.”

“…”

“Seriously?”

And that, folks, is how my life turned upside down in 30 seconds. I don’t have the time or energy to go into the politics of the move, but what I can/will say is that this has the potential to be a very good opportunity for us. We’ll be settling in South Carolina, near Charlotte, NC. This move really allows Tom the ability to concentrate 100% on training and not feel the pull of working another job. Luckily, I can pick up and work from wherever I have an internet connection and a phone, so other than the timezone, the “move” really isn’t inconvenient.

But, I am sad to not be moving to California. I was really, really looking forward to it. I had already found {and met, and loved!} a writing group out there, I had found an alumni organization to join…it seemed that everything was falling into place.

And then just as the glitter settled, dusting our eyelashes and shoulders, everything was shook up. Not only could we not talk about this {huge, mega} change in our lives, we had days to figure out where we were going to live and how we were going to get there. We wrestled with how and when to tell our family and friends, while still keeping quiet like we were asked. While I pored over rental listings and online photos trying to find something that didn’t remind me of a scene from Slumdog Millionaire, Tom began to quietly contemplate severing ties with the new alliances, clients, and teams he had lifted with, worked with, and coached. The more I thought about it, the more terrified I became.

I’m going to be a Yank. I’m not going to be any good in the South. I’m probably going to hate it. There’s nothing for me out there. From big, beautiful, thriving San Francisco to a small town in South Carolina…I don’t even like sweet tea.

It’s all been an adjustment, and a really hard one at that. Maybe even harder than the initial “Oh my gosh, I’m moving far away!” I don’t do change well, and that might be a slight understatement. I also don’t do well in situations where I have a decided lack of control. And with this…not knowing the area, not knowing when Tom will move, not knowing when I could or should move, partially as a result of the very sad, hard situation with my Grandmother…it’s just all been really, really tough.

So our adventure takes another {U}turn. We’re turning our moving truck East, learning how to make sweet tea, and trying to build the future American record holder. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn to love the South and get a novel or two published.

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Profuse Apologies.

Tap tap tap…is this thing on? Anyone out there?

If you’ve stayed with me this long, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry, readers. I’ve become that blogger. You know, the blogger that up and disappears, and then comes back and says “I have a personal situation going on and I can’t explain it right now.”

Well, I’ve been gone because I’ve had a lot going on, most of which I can’t talk about. Some of it will come out soon, some of it isn’t fit for public consumption, and, well, some of it I can explain now.

So for starters, let me finally confide in you what I can. I referenced it here, and a few other places, but the truth is that my sweet grandmother is dying of cancer. She’s been battling this for quite some time, and in the past two months, it’s become aggressive and she made the choice to go on hospice.

In spite of all that has been awful and emotionally draining about this situation, it has been so heartwarming to see my family come together in such a steadfast way. The tenderness that everyone has exhibited: the thoughtfulness of bringing over her favorite foods or making her her favorite drink, the way her children and grandchildren dote on her and make sure she never has a want for anything, collecting pictures of her to display for her loved ones, the dignity they have provided her in some very, very tough situations, the compassion and just plain wonderfulness of everyone who cares for her…

I hope when my time comes, I can carry myself with her quiet strength. And if or when I need to take care of my parents or my husbands’ parents the way my aunts, uncles and parents have taken care of my grandmother, I hope I have half the grace that they’ve shown.

In a word, it is all so humbling.

With her passing imminent and my move inching closer {21 days, officially!}, grief has been striking me when I least expect it. A professed non-crier, I sobbed in my husbands’ arms on Saturday, and again yesterday morning. I made the all-too-familiar drive home from the airport with an empty passenger seat, and cried for a five-mile stretch. It’s overwhelming to think about this move…something we’ve planned for, hoped for, been excited for…but it’s here all too quickly, and I don’t know if I’m ready.

A new chapter is beginning. Stay tuned, and I’ll explain more later…