Profuse Apologies.

Tap tap tap…is this thing on? Anyone out there?

If you’ve stayed with me this long, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry, readers. I’ve become that blogger. You know, the blogger that up and disappears, and then comes back and says “I have a personal situation going on and I can’t explain it right now.”

Well, I’ve been gone because I’ve had a lot going on, most of which I can’t talk about. Some of it will come out soon, some of it isn’t fit for public consumption, and, well, some of it I can explain now.

So for starters, let me finally confide in you what I can. I referenced it here, and a few other places, but the truth is that my sweet grandmother is dying of cancer. She’s been battling this for quite some time, and in the past two months, it’s become aggressive and she made the choice to go on hospice.

In spite of all that has been awful and emotionally draining about this situation, it has been so heartwarming to see my family come together in such a steadfast way. The tenderness that everyone has exhibited: the thoughtfulness of bringing over her favorite foods or making her her favorite drink, the way her children and grandchildren dote on her and make sure she never has a want for anything, collecting pictures of her to display for her loved ones, the dignity they have provided her in some very, very tough situations, the compassion and just plain wonderfulness of everyone who cares for her…

I hope when my time comes, I can carry myself with her quiet strength. And if or when I need to take care of my parents or my husbands’ parents the way my aunts, uncles and parents have taken care of my grandmother, I hope I have half the grace that they’ve shown.

In a word, it is all so humbling.

With her passing imminent and my move inching closer {21 days, officially!}, grief has been striking me when I least expect it. A professed non-crier, I sobbed in my husbands’ arms on Saturday, and again yesterday morning. I made the all-too-familiar drive home from the airport with an empty passenger seat, and cried for a five-mile stretch. It’s overwhelming to think about this move…something we’ve planned for, hoped for, been excited for…but it’s here all too quickly, and I don’t know if I’m ready.

A new chapter is beginning. Stay tuned, and I’ll explain more later…

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One thought on “Profuse Apologies.

  1. […] knowing when Tom will move, not knowing when I could or should move, partially as a result of the very sad, hard situation with my Grandmother…it’s just all been really, really […]

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